Nothing can change until you hold him responsible and accountable for lying and stop blaming yourself. If there are sexual problems between you, there are many resources available to help you. It does mean that if he doesn’t like certain things about you, he has many ways to address them besides lying. That doesn’t mean you’re an angel and he’s the devil.
Lying is his choice and his problem, and if he makes that choice with you, he will make it with any other woman he’s with. His lying is not contigent on who you are or what you do. When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”
Even if we yell and scream at him when we discover that he’s lied to us, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. Most women will do almost anything to avoid having to face these truths. The relationship has spun out of control and I don’t know.We make excuses for him: The lying wasn’t significant/Everybody lies/He’s only human/I have no right to judge him.Īllowing the lies to register in our consciousness means having to make room for any number of frightening possibilities: We find “good reasons” to justify his lying, just as he almost always accompanies his confessions with “good reasons” for his lies. When denial (his or ours) can no longer hold and we finally have to admit to ourselves that we’ve been lied to, we search frantically for ways to keep it from disrupting our lives.
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